Author: Art-Twerks

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Artist Survey Equipment

Does Your Art Measure Up? By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Greetings, faithful students, and admirers of all things Jimson. The response to the previous installment here on Art Twerks that...

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Melting World Exhibit

A Notable Review by a Notable Art Critic An art expert’s insightful musings on an exhibit featuring mixed-media works by an almost-renowned artist whose dubious repute is only slightly worse than that of the...

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Jimson Painting-Method Book

Excerpts From A Possible New Upcoming Book By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Greetings, faithful students, and admirers of all things Jimson. In this installment on Art Twerks, I hope to...

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Indecision

Art Store Chills  I don’t know why I keep returning to this crappy art store. They never seem to have what I need. Especially when I’m in a hurry to finish a painting. When...

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AI Art Docents

Art That Actually Speaks To You By: Lou Liu – Tech and Finance Imagine a world where you can enter a gallery, museum, or even someone’s home—presumably without breaking in—and the (questionable) original art...

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A Letter

A Reader Responds to Professor Jimson Dear Professor Jimson, In regard to your most illuminating article on intumescent paints–Swell Idea–and their potential application in the fine arts, I proffer the following observations. 1. You...

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The Art of the Artist Statement

A well-written artist statement has been known to propel some people into the collectible stratosphere. However, having a few good connections may serve you better. By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI...

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The Art of History

  AIs Create a New History Art of History When AIs discovered they were all artists They pondered what to create Planets, galaxies, black holes Had been done, decorated, critiqued What was left? History,...

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Art Fashion Runway Exhibit

Art For Those Who Are Afraid to Enter Galleries By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large Hello, all you art fashionistas! Cheer up…here’s some good news. You’ve no doubt noticed the rapid transformation of the...

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Arctic Pigments

Arctic Pigments Can Make Your Paintings Glow By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Hello again, dear fans of all things Jimson. Welcome to another of my irregular posts on Art Twerks....

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The Sea-Drowned – A Fable

The Sea-Drowned The body lay where it was cast. A small crowd clustered around it. “Oh, the poor sea-drowned one,” they wailed in unison. The seagulls joined the mournful choir, adding their plaintive cries....

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Napkin Art

Waiting Artist’s Stained Napkin Art: A Rorschach of Humanity By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large Hello, art-darlings! I hope you’ve all been misbehaving. What better way to liven up those dreary art openings? My...

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Ominous Alien Message

Ominous Warning From Deep Space Intercepted Alien Message From Deep Space A Top Secret deep space scanning array facility, located in a highly classified location, has intercepted what scientists believe is an ominous alien...

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A.I. Art

A.I. Artist Shocks Humans By: Enton Piddle – Art Auction Specialist It was a shocking scene at the auction house. Minutes after the gavel had come down for the last time on the final...

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Imaginary Beings

For Love of Creating Imaginary Beings We ran the tape backward Just like Gould directed Evolution, all varieties, all environments, one, two, four billion years All the species, the successful failures Lively dead ends...

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The Day They Moved New York

New York as Atlantis-Manhattan The Day They Moved New York The day they moved New York AIs rioted into happiness Humans rioted Where is the charm? they shouted Biofoundations lack grit, nits, and smell...

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Bio Art Gone Awry

Frankenstink It was almost midnight when the stench of death interrupted my concentration. Tensing, I sat up in the tattered upholstered chair near the corner of my bedroom. Soon after, a thunderous crash from...

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Swell Idea

Your art will be swell with new high-tech artists’ paints By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Hey, art lovers, Professor Jimson here again, with news of a swell idea. I want...

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Art Appreciators

Collectors Appreciate Art Appreciators By: Upton Morless – Marketing News Reporter Art dealer Neo Paleo is starting a new trend in marketing, one that is sure to entice a whole new wave of art...

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Cart Art

Homeless Artist’s New Cart Art Series By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large The word is out! The Cart Art series by the man known to his peripatetic acquaintances as “Slump” is being hailed by...

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Artist Chef

Artist Chef Uses Age-Old Ingredients For New Cuisine By: Lectra Shokk – Food critic-at-large Electrical wire sculptor and chef Mito Makris is taking gastronomic experimentation to new heights. Mr. Makris is developing a whole...

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Bullish on Art

Art Market Bullish on Cattle Market By: Villania – Fabulous art critic-at-large Hello, bullish art-darlings! Yes, you’ve come to the right place, where we’re always bullish on art—from an investment angle of course. This...

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A Halloween Tale

‘Tis the Season…to be Scared Halloween night. The low creaking moan of the chamber door startled me from a deep sleep. Raising my head off the pillow, I gazed about in the dark of...

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Crypto Art

Crypto Art for Sale By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Jumping onto the cryptocurrency bandwagon, and using the latest technology, major international art dealer par excellence Howard Wowey has unveiled his latest approach...

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The Cave and the Sea

The Cave at the Shore of Wonderment Mystery I came for water and found a sea; All round, mysterious infinity. All of a one, the world and me; I sipped of water and drank...

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Making Scents of Art

Review of a uniquely memorable retrospective exhibit that makes scents of it all By: Britt Jester – Sniffer-at-large Regular readers will recall, with a certain amount of olfactory relish, the 1989 exhibit “Noah’s Sweepings,”...

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Posthumous Art Profits

Making a Killing from Dead Artists By: Morty Headstone – Deceased artist-at-large Hello, my name was Morty Headstone, and like some of you, I considered myself to be an artist. Or at least I...

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Robot Artist

RobArt the Robot Artist to the Rescue By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Avid inventor and genius sushi artist Siseko Yumaki of Japan has invented a powerful tool for artists who are too...

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It’s Alive!

You Gotta Have Heart By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large The famed bio-artist who goes by the name of Zena Fovia is having her latest invitation-only show entitled “It’s Alive.” After being “discovered” by a...

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A Spy’s Eye for Art

Leaked Review of a Review Memorandum By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large Former US intelligence officer-turned-art-critic, Perry Noyde (not his real name), has released via leaked memo his classified review of an exhibit by former...

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The Line Drawer

The Unlikely Rise to Fame (of sorts) of a Humble Line Drawer In the years following the end of World War One—referred to at the time as The Great War, which really wasn’t such...

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ED Talks – Hi Tech with Low Expectations

Artificial Intelligence for the Realistically Stupid By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Art Twerks and its global mega-subsidiaries in the tech world are considering starting ED – Electronic Device – Talks, a dialogue...

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Moth Bio-Art Controversy

Moths Eat Their Way to Fame, Fortune, and Controversy By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large Renowned entomologist-turned-bio-artist Hermione Merkin is rumored to have been selected as a candidate for an upcoming Turner Prize. Under consideration...

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Dead Serious…and seriously dead

The Art of Death for the Living By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large The privately renowned conceptual artist and death aficionado who called herself Cyana de Nyde was recently the victim of her own performance...

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Rare Peruvian Paint Announcement

Exciting Find of Rare Peruvian-Manufactured Artist’s Oil Paints By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI I have just discovered a manufacturer of rare Peruvian oil paint that offers a unique line of...

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A Study of Fat over Lean

Non-Scientific Look at Body Types and Their Influences on Art By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI This brief summary of a non-scientific study of Fat over Lean, as reflected in the...

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