Artist Survey Equipment
Does Your Art Measure Up? By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Greetings, faithful students, and admirers of all things Jimson. The response to the previous installment here on Art Twerks that...
Author: Art-Twerks
Melting World Exhibit
A Notable Review by a Notable Art Critic An art expert’s insightful musings on an exhibit featuringmixed-media works by an almost-renowned artistwhose dubious repute is only slightly worse than that of the art expert....
Jimson Painting-Method Book
Excerpts From A Possible New Upcoming Book By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Greetings, faithful students, and admirers of all things Jimson. In this installment on Art Twerks, I hope to...
Indecision
Art Store Chills I don’t know why I keep returning to this crappy art store. They never seem to have what I need. Especially when I’m in a hurry to finish a painting. When...
AI Art Docents
Art That Actually Speaks To You By: Lou Liu – Tech and Finance Imagine a world where you can enter a gallery, museum, or even someone’s home—presumably without breaking in—and the (questionable) original art...
A Letter
A Reader Responds to Professor Jimson Dear Professor Jimson, In regard to your most illuminating article on intumescent paints–Swell Idea–and their potential application in the fine arts, I proffer the following observations. 1. You...
The Art of the Artist Statement
A well-written artist statement has been known to propel some people into the collectible stratosphere. However, having a few good connections may serve you better. By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI...
The Art of History
AIs Create a New History Art of History When AIs discovered they were all artistsThey pondered what to createPlanets, galaxies, black holesHad been done, decorated, critiquedWhat was left? History, an acknowledged master declaredWe should...
Art Fashion Runway Exhibit
Art For Those Who Are Afraid to Enter Galleries By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large Hello, all you art fashionistas! Cheer up…here’s some good news. You’ve no doubt noticed the rapid transformation of the...
Arctic Pigments
Arctic Pigments Can Make Your Paintings Glow By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Hello again, dear fans of all things Jimson. Welcome to another of my irregular posts on Art Twerks....
The Sea-Drowned – A Fable
The Sea-Drowned The body lay where it was cast.A small crowd clustered around it. “Oh, the poor sea-drowned one,” they wailed in unison. The seagulls joined the mournful choir, adding their plaintive cries. The...
Napkin Art
Waiting Artist’s Stained Napkin Art: A Rorschach of Humanity By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large Hello, art-darlings! I hope you’ve all been misbehaving. What better way to liven up those dreary art openings? My...
Ominous Alien Message
Ominous Warning From Deep Space Intercepted Alien Message From Deep Space A Top Secret deep space scanning array facility, located in a highly classified location, has intercepted what scientists believe is an ominous alien...
A.I. Art
A.I. Artist Shocks Humans By: Enton Piddle – Art Auction Specialist It was a shocking scene at the auction house. Minutes after the gavel had come down for the last time on the final...
Imaginary Beings
For Love of Creating Imaginary Beings We ran the tape backwardJust like Gould directedEvolution, all varieties, all environments, one, two, four billion yearsAll the species, the successful failuresLively dead ends They were wonderfulInsightful chickensBrilliant...
The Day They Moved New York
New York as Atlantis-Manhattan The Day They Moved New York The day they moved New YorkAIs rioted into happinessHumans riotedWhere is the charm? they shoutedBiofoundations lack grit, nits, and smellIt’s way too cleanAnd Penceville?...
Bio Art Gone Awry
Frankenstink It was almost midnight when the stench of death interrupted my concentration. Tensing, I sat up in the tattered upholstered chair near the corner of my bedroom. Soon after, a thunderous crash from...
Swell Idea
Your art will be swell with new high-tech artists’ paints By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Hey, art lovers, Professor Jimson here again, with news of a swell idea. I want...
Art Appreciators
Collectors Appreciate Art Appreciators By: Upton Morless – Marketing News Reporter Art dealer Neo Paleo is starting a new trend in marketing, one that is sure to entice a whole new wave of art...
Cart Art
Homeless Artist’s New Cart Art Series By: Villania – Fabulous Art critic-at-large The word is out! The Cart Art series by the man known to his peripatetic acquaintances as “Slump” is being hailed by...
Artist Chef
Artist Chef Uses Age-Old Ingredients For New Cuisine By: Lectra Shokk – Food critic-at-large Electrical wire sculptor and chef Mito Makris is taking gastronomic experimentation to new heights. Mr. Makris is developing a whole...
Munch and Strindberg: Two Former Friends Decline to Meet
Scandinavian Greats Remembered We could go on for quite a bit about beautiful modern Scandinavian and Nordic art, architecture, and furniture design, not to mention the wonderful culture. For this article, however, we have...
Bullish on Art
Art Market Bullish on Cattle Market By: Villania – Fabulous art critic-at-large Hello, bullish art-darlings! Yes, you’ve come to the right place, where we’re always bullish on art—from an investment angle of course. This...
A Halloween Tale
‘Tis the Season…to be Scared Halloween night. The low creaking moan of the chamber door startled me from a deep sleep. Raising my head off the pillow, I gazed about in the dark of...
Crypto NFT Art
Crypto NFT Art for Sale By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Jumping onto the cryptocurrency and NFT bandwagon, and using the latest technology, major international art dealer par excellence Howard Wowey has unveiled...
The Cave and the Sea
The Cave at the Shore of Wonderment Mystery I came for water and found a sea; All round, mysterious infinity. All of a one, the world and me; I sipped of water and drank...
Making Scents of Art
Review of a uniquely memorable retrospective exhibit that makes scents of it all By: Britt Jester – Sniffer-at-large Regular readers will recall, with a certain amount of olfactory relish, the 1989 exhibit “Noah’s Sweepings,”...
Posthumous Art Profits
Making a Killing from Dead Artists By: Morty Headstone – Deceased artist-at-large Hello, my name was Morty Headstone, and like some of you, I considered myself to be an artist. Or at least I...
Robot Artist
RobArt the Robot Artist to the Rescue By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Avid inventor and genius sushi artist Siseko Yumaki of Japan has invented a powerful tool for artists who are too...
A Beginner’s Guide to the Expert’s Guide to Art
How Art Collecting Can Be Fun and ProfitableWithout Even Trying It is easy to mistake art appreciation as a dull and solitary preoccupation, but in fact, it can be viewed as a spectator sport...
It’s Alive!
You Gotta Have Heart By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large The famed bio-artist who goes by the name of Zena Fovia is having her latest invitation-only show entitled “It’s Alive.” After being “discovered” by a...
A Spy’s Eye for Art
Leaked Review of a Review Memorandum By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large Former US intelligence officer-turned-art-critic, Perry Noyde (not his real name), has released via leaked memo his classified review of an exhibit by former...
The Art of Evaluating Art Using Stock Chart Patterns
Evaluate Artworks Before They Are Evaluated By The Pros By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Ever notice the barely audible whispers among hedge fund managers and other financiers who happen to be present...
A Notable Review of “Melting World” by a Notable Personage
An art expert’s insightful musings on an exhibit featuringmixed-media works by an almost-renowned artist whose dubious repute is only slightly worse than that of the art expert. By: Professor Howard Eyno, PhD., Adjunct ProfessorEndowed...
The Line Drawer
The Unlikely Rise to Fame (of sorts)of a Humble Line Drawer In the years following the end of World War One—referred to at the time as The Great War, which really wasn’t such a...
ED Talks – Hi Tech with Low Expectations
Artificial Intelligencefor the Realistically Stupid By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance Art Twerks and its global mega-subsidiaries in the tech world are considering starting ED – Electronic Device – Talks, a dialogue platform...
The Rediscovered Long-Lost Shoes Of The Invisible Ballerina
An Amazing, Almost True StoryOf A Mysterious Ballerina Medora Nosipova, a supremely gifted ballerina, was said to have pirouetted so rapidly she dissolved in a blur never to be seen again, leaving no trace...
Vincent Van Gogh and Robert Walser Discuss “L’Arlésienne”
For our first round of dialogues, we have as our guest the posthumously famous Dutch Post-Impressionist painter Vincent Willem van Gogh. Yes, he of the sunflower paintings and of “L’Arlésienne” fame. Joining him is...
Moth Bio-Art Controversy
Moths Eat Their Way to Fame, Fortune,and Controversy By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large Renowned entomologist-turned-bio-artist Hermione Merkin is rumored to have been selected as a candidate for an upcoming Turner Prize. Under consideration are...
Dead Serious…and seriously dead
The Art of Death for the Living By: Sybil Bilius – Reviewer-at-large The privately renowned conceptual artist and death aficionado who called herself Cyana de Nyde was recently the victim of her own performance...
Stolen Art Kept In Secret Warehouse Re-stolen In Daring Heist
Plundered Art Now Missing from Secret Facility By: Wilfred “Squinty” Squire – Crime Reporter It has come to our attention that, some months ago, many valuable artworks and artifacts that were originally plundered from...
Rare Peruvian Paint Announcement
Exciting Find of Rare Peruvian-ManufacturedArtist’s Oil Paints By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI I have just discovered a manufacturer of rare Peruvian oil paint that offers a unique line of portrait...
A Study of Fat over Lean
Non-Scientific Look at Body Typesand Their Influences on Art By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI This brief summary of a non-scientific study of Fat over Lean, as reflected in the paintings...
To Varnish or Not to Varnish? That is the Question.
A Most Perplexing Question for the Artist. What’s a Painter to Do? By: Prof. Gulley Jimson, RA, Ph.D., AFT, RCA, PADI Varnish can protect a painting from the ravages of dust and dirt, but...
Anarchist Artist’s Priceless Art Collection Destroyed
Anarchist Artist Roils The Art World Shock and disbelief recently hit the art world when it was learned that one of the world’s greatest contemporary artists has immolated his own vast private collection containing...
The Art Of Stock Chart Pattern Recognition In Nature
A New Way of Viewing the World Around Us By: Lou Liu – Tech & Finance As revealed in a previous article, stock chart patterns can be quite useful in determining the saleability and/or...